I don’t hate the iPhone. In fact, I think the iPhone is kind of cool.

I do, however, hate AT&T. Oh, I hate them. I hate them with a burning passionate hatred I reserve for child molesters, ax murderers, and Harley/metric cruiser riders who put loud pipes on their bikes and think they’re cooler than I am for doing so.

So naturally, when Big Red (a.k.a. Verizon Wireless) came out with their latest crop of commercials, I lauged my ass off: